Hearsay

It can take years for a solid brick wall to be built, but only seconds to destroy it- much like the human self-worth. Why is it that we humans put so much stock into what others say and think about us? I have once been told that in the end, all we truly have is ourselves. Knowing that, I question why we try so hard to please everyone else but ourselves? To make everyone else happy while we leave ourselves miserable? Try as we may but our hard work doesn’t always pay off. I can’t help but to remember the absent people in my life who said that they’d always be there for me. Did they just say that as a way to gain my trust, or to just keep me satisfied until they up and left? Did they really think they could slip away without me knowing? I have had so much loss in my life that I could easily recognize it in any given circumstance. Some say I am wise beyond my years and tell me about what a blessing that is. I must admit that I’d rather be dumb and blind so I could be getting hurt and never know it. My in my state of mind now, everything is just too real, and like they say, truth hurts. People are going to talk about you no matter what. If you are doing well, they will feel threatened. If you make a mistake, they feel that their lives are superior to yours. Then there comes the time when the people who you thought would be in your life forever, just disappear. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am a verification of what happens when you put too much heart into something you think is stable. The truth is, nothing good lasts forever and is as good as what it appears to be. Yet, we risk the chance of having our hearts shredded and thrown on the floor at our feet. The memories we wish to hold onto, lose their clarity in just a few years’ time. BUT, I was also once told that God knows every little detail in our life story before we are even created. Knowing this makes me stop and think that we humans do all the crazy things that we do for an actual reason...not just out of stupidity. This is used as God's tool to help us want to grow towards Him. After 19 years, I have finally figured that out. Now, if only the other 7 billion people in this world could do the same, but I must start with me. It's time to start growing! God bless the child that suffers.

A Real Fine Place to Start

I have always struggled with self acceptance, even somewhat today. Accepting yourself is a process, or so I've learned. I recently have re-read the book The Purpose Driven Life, and I absolutely love it. Religion is something that I have also struggled with because it is something so unfamiliar. I have learned that self acceptance comes with the realization that your life has a purpose, a purpose that God planned for you. The catch is, none of this starts with you, it starts with Him. Finding your purpose is not a self-centered accomplishment. For me, this is a newly started life-long journey. I have always believed myself to be what others say I am (positive&negative). What I never knew is that the more I believed it, the more I became it, and the more I became it, the better their points were proved. The more that I became what everyone said I was (negatively), the more unhappy I became. BUT, it led me to turn to God. I am new to this whole "faith" thing, but I have seen that a little faith goes a long way. If you are fighting off doubts, insecurity, negativity, or any circumstance where you are struggling to keep your chin up, have a little bit of faith. Turning to God, is a real fine place to start.